Being single after 25 years of marriage seems easier than dating in this day and age. So, here are some of my top things to say on a bad first date. Mind you I would never do any of these things so this is pure humor. Not meant to offend anyone!
Stand up and turn your butt towards him and say “do my depends show through my pants.” “Because I am sure having an anal leakage problem, do you have that too?” Haha
Flirt. Flirt. Flirt just not with your date and talk to your date about other patrons of the place you planned the date. “Would you look at the shitter on that critter.” “He can drive my truck right into gear right here!” Be obnoxiously flirtatious just not with your date!
Profess to them you’re in love and its with her/him. “Do you believe in love at first sight?” “I am updating my status to engaged to, oh yeah what’s your last name?” “Are kids will be beautiful!” Haha
When you can text a friend to call you and then you say “oh nooooo oh noooo really really?” Hang up and tell your date your house was just hit by a giant tornado. You already said you live just a few blocks away and the weather is amazing. Plus you don’t live where tornados hit. (You can use different natural disasters too…get creative) haha
Sit close to him or her and develope twitches like tapping your feet while constantly sniffing. Get up every 4 to 5 minutes rub your seat like you are getting crumbs off of it. Look at your date and stick your tongue out. When confronted why you are doing these things keep a straight face and act like he must be crazy saying “you must be mistaken!” Haha
“Do you happen to have a breath mint?” If your date says no “There is a market accross the street go get some your breath stinks!” If he says yes “well, I think you need to eat the whole pack! Haha
“Sorry, mama just messaged me saying she needs me to put her bunyon cream on right now!” And get up and leave! Haha